How it used to be

I used to be a part of something.

Something Familial. 

A Community.

And it changed in an instant 

with a decision not mine. 

Now I'm out. 

Cast aside

An outsider 

An interloper 

I used to be a main character 

But no longer invited. 

No longer welcome

As always 

I cleave my own path

Driving ever forward and upward y

Just like before. 

My soles are heavy 

My heart is hemorrhaging 

And sometimes I venture alone 

A trail blazed with people 

Loved, lost, and left behind. 

Some days my compass spins

my soul aches 

My baggage is heavy 

Some days I wander 

Other days I'm lost

And other days, 

I'm a Tolkien quote

From a dull throb to agony

Onward I go

Just a few more miles

journey to the next destination

And hope for a better view

I tried to kill myself...

So yeah.. it's a thing.. and I did. 

In November, I was in Oceanside. Staying with the best people I know. I had gone out the night before with a complicated guy and it didn't end positively. But the next night I walked down to the ocean and I thought about throwing myself in it. 

Let's be clear on something.. at a young age, my favorite 'fairy tale' was The Little Mermaid. No not this Disney-happy-ending-for-all shit. 

The real one..

Where she doesn't get the prince. She sacrifices herself for his happiness and throws herself into the ocean to become eternal foam on the tide. 

First of all. Fuck that. My happiness is first and I sacrifice it for no man. 

Second.. sadly.. it's poetic and beautiful and something I loved and romanticized my whole life (sorry Hannah. I didn't need 13 reasons or tapes.. this shits just better written.) 

Maybe I should..

Just pull the trigger. Just end the cycle. 

My grandmother was a nasty piece of work. My mom has a good heart but won't actually fucking get help for all of those broken feelings inside of her. She's a nasty drunk and loves to compare me to my grandmother when she's feeling particularly biting. 

Some days I amaze myself with the ways I keep my mouth shut. I could be horrible, mean and downright shitty. But I keep my mouth shut. I think I'm the only woman in my Italian side of the family that ever has. Because my grandmother and my mom obviously couldn't. 

My father is a pacifist and my brother is a judgemental coward. I have too much emotion for Josh and so I am deemed "drama". 

I'm a pathetic bartender with too many tattoos and wildly dyed hair. I clearly am an irresponsible adult. I have no children, no SO, and an apparent "unworthy" job. So why do I continue? 

To my brother I'm nothing but drama. To some of my "friends", I'm an outlandish drunk who can't hold her tongue. I called you constantly Sami when you felt alone, just so you could have someone to talk to. And where the fuck you now? Judgemental on your high horse with your husband and boyfriend. My heart is aching but all you do is criticize me. 

So many friends have deemed me so worthless that I'm not even worth fighting for to fix the friendship. 

I'm sorry I wasn't a better person to fit into your life. I'm sorry I was good enough for what you needed at the time but not for the long term. 

Maybe this is all drama.. maybe I'm too dramatic and throwing myself a pity party. Maybe I don't want to turn into my mom or be an "Annabelle" . Maybe I've just had enough and I'm tired of being the rock when I'm strong and damned when I'm weak (oh I'm sorry. You call that dramatic, Josh). 

Maybe I'm tired of being 'too much', too intimidating, too emotional, too feeling, too loving. Just being too much for anyone to handle. Cause clearly Rob, Jeff, and Howard weren't enough. Years and years of friendship and love and I'm just not worth any of it. Thank you for making my years of love and friendship worthless. 

I think I'm a star, I always have been. But I'm too much of a coward to supernova. I used to be so strong but I'm too much of a coward to actually pull the trigger. 

Hmm. Maybe it wasn't the meds after all. Maybe I'm just broken. 

Why I sometimes don't like being Italian

My great grandma came over from "the old country". And she was as superstitious and judgemental as it gets. I painted my nails black?!? I was going to hell. Had a black cat? I was going to hell. Didn't go to church? Yup.. straight to hell. But the gates of heaven opened wide if I brought Easter Lillies or raw chicken tails. My evil hateful cunt of a cousin told her I was pagan (just to be spiteful).. yup damned and redeemed within a week due to turkey Necks and chicken tails.. like most devout religious people.. easily bought off.

My grandmother. She lied and told everyone's secrets to benefit her. She was always the victim. Nothing was ever her fault.. but you should favor her because she was going through this or that. She owned a travel agency (which I worked at when I was 12/14) she made sure to tell EVERYONE when I got my period for the first time. She tried to play the he said/she said game with my ex husband  and me. 

She did a HELL of a job brainwashing/guilting my mom with guilt to carry a cross for her and be at her beck and call because my Mom was an only child and my grandmother "needed" her. 

My mom carries all that guilt to this day and tries to push it to me and my brother through her alcoholism. 

My mother is not a failure. But treats herself like one. So she drinks to escape her own created pain. She feels a certain way about a past situation and even after all parties have told her it's all fine, she continues to beat up and berate herself.. which drives her to drink to attempt to escape her pain, rather than work with a professional to face it and get through it. It's disappointing to watch. She is, actually, an addict. But she has no desire to fix it. 

And me.. what exactly am I? 

I'm cocky, indignant, boisterous, loud, obnoxious, charismatic, silly, bubbly, energetic, and who knows what else. 

I love with my whole heart. Try to give what I can to who I can. But hurt me deep.. break my trust and I can't trust you again. Maybe I'm as ruined as these above people. 

Sometimes I think that's why I'm alone. A Strega Nona to be a spinster witch with her cats.. 

Just happy

5:46a.m. I'm watching the clouds change colors from my balcony. And while I've had much to drink, I can't remember being this elated from the sunrise.

 

Am I what you call.. good?

am I a good person?

Really..

Truly??

yesterday I thought about Rob. I thought about how I've never hated anyone in my life.  I don't even know how to. I know that love and hate are 2 sides of the Saame coin and that it takes passion to fuel both.
Anytime I think of Rob, there's pain. And anger. I dream of driving to his house and keying his car. I think of writing Kim about Julienne. I dream of hurting him in any way so that he might feel the betrayal of what I feel.

And yet yesterday, I fed the homeless. Or I help plan a benefit for dog adoption.

I drink my ass off and cuss like a sailor

But I make sure my cats are taken care of before me.

Some days I wake up and I really wonder, is there a point system? Are there markers and tallies of good and bad things I think about or do? Can I win?

A little honesty From the AT

I wrote this In June on 2014. While I was hiking the trail..



This is strictly from me. I sounded off/proof read to Rob but this is strictly my post:

The truth is most days I don't want to be out here. I think of home all the time. I want to be curled up on my couch with my car and popcorn I just made and a glass of wine. I want to be able to take a shower daily and put on different clothes. Not hike for hours up and down rocky or difficult terrain smelling like a women's locker room after the WNBA. My feet hurt, my ankles hurt and most days my only reward at the end of the day is a meal we get to rehydrate and sleeping on a blow up mattress that's about 2 inches thick. Some days I want to cast off my pack and jump in the river just so I can be cool instead of soaking wet from sweat, but we have to keep moving. 

So yeah, most days it's really not fun. 

But the things I'm taking away from this are exponential in the gravity of my life. I've learned to appreciate things so much more. The smells are phenomenal. Some days things smell like maple syrup, cotton candy or even just the sweetest flower fragrance that you could never get out of a candle. To go to sleep and it be quiet. Like really quiet, no street sounds or ambulances. The kindness of people who leave things for you on the trail or help you cause they understand your need to do this!

This trail; and I don't mean the AT, I mean the road/journey I am taking as a person, it's changed my life for the better. I have gotten a better way of looking at life. I know what is important. My faith in humanity is restored. 

I may not be a religious person and my views may not be the same. But the church people out here believe in the basics. I respect that and love them for that. They put out food and essentials. Not because they have to, but because they know the Hiker community is on a journey of love, faith (of whatever), spiritualism, physicality and outright stubbornness. And they want to do something that will bring ease to the Hiker soul. 

I can't even explain the feeling when you walk up to a 'trail magic' area. It's a combination of opening presents at Christmas but with the surprise of an unexpected gift for no reason. Sometimes it's placed and you get it when you don't think your day could get any harder. And sometimes you get it at the beginning of your day and it makes your whole hike. Sometimes you get there after everything is picked over but it's still an amazing gift to know that the thought was there, for you and others like you. And even though you may not have gotten any of the 'prime options' someone out there thought enough to recognize what you were going through and tried to ease your journey. I think there's a lot of society that's lost what just a small gesture of thoughtfulness and random kindness from the heart could do for the human race. I promise to take this away from this journey. To pay it forward to society, whether it's appreciated or not, and to be a better person.

My brother is an asshole...

I'm going to use this as my sounding board for my time of anger of family betrayal and anger.

Because I want a sounding board.

There is a certain poetry to baring a soul to many people. It's called publishing.. I want to bare a section of my soul. I don't need the sympathy. My best therapy is writing. Maybe it's not as eloquent as I'd like, but my heart is in it.

When I was growing up, I was really mean to my younger brother. I was an asshole. He was always giving. He always asked for a second 'thing' for his sister when I never did. He and I played dress up. I did his make up. We used to meet in the center of our bedrooms and talk about nonsense: He was thoughtful, sweet and kind.

When we got older, things were said.. not completely horrible, but hurtful. I tried to mend, but clearly I am unforgivable.

He got married, had 2 kids (whom I've almost never been to their birthday parties.), and then promptly divorced her after falling for another woman.

He came to me after over 6 years of silence. We talked like we were actually family again. He confided his life and love in me, before either of my parents. I talked to him the whole time he was in the academy. I reached out to his lady so that she had a lifeline. Someone to talk to who knew him, cause it's comforting and easier. When they got engaged, I was ecstatic and tried to keep a secret, even though he told her before hand.

But I don't remember what went wrong.. I wanted to go to Hawaii. I wanted to support them. But they decided to have a "meet the family" dinner without me. I would understand if it was just the parents.. But YOU BOTH are parents. How is it ok to have the 'wife's brother present' (yes he lives there. I get it!!! But he was still going to be outside with the family. Eating the food. Socializing.. etc. you KNEW he wasn't going out, or anywhere else. You knew he'd be home!)
BUT, not your sister. Why couldn't you ask Kari's mom if I could be there?
Is she that mean! Is she that scary?
Do I embarrass you?
Are you afraid of me?
I don't get why I wasn't a good enough sister that you couldn't ask your soon to be mother in law 1 simple question.
I don't get how my brother (who used to ask everyone for "something extra for his sister) couldn't ask for this one thing. And I don't understand how his wife ( a mother of 2 kids) could stand for this either.

And that split it for me. My brother and his wife couldn't hop a puddle for me. But he didn't hesitate to ask me to jump an ocean for him and go fly to his wedding in Hawaii..

So I didn't go... I didn't feel like I was important enough to either of them. Neither one would even ask me over for dinner, even though I lived down the street.....

And he was pissed.

But so was I. And I was hurt to the core.

But from then on, I was the enemy. And it's gotten worse over the last year. I asked for help during a tumultuous moment of my life. And he told me I was "bringing drama" when all I wanted was my brother to comfort me.

I've gone through hell in the last 4 months. I was in emotional pain, I was depressed and I was a mess. Among other things, I contemplated suicide twice. I needed my brother.. not my parents, not my closest friends... my brother.

But I knew I couldn't call him. He would consider it too much drama and not worth his time. And it hurt even more. I haven't asked him for anything since we've been adults. Except for his time and to see the kids.

But I'm not allowed in his and Kari's life. They want to forget I am related to them.

I'm not angry anymore.. I'm just sad.
And I hope.
I hope neither one EVER has to go through the pain my parents feel when they know their kids can't get along. I hope you never have to feel the pain my dad feels when he knows his son won't forgive his family and just be civil. And I hope you never have to feel the loss and pain of what it is when one of your children won't talk to you.

I personally pity you that you both are so fucking judgemental that you can't attempt to forgive and try to build a relationship with your actual family.

Josh... when your marriage fails, and it will because you will eventually get tired of her ordering you around.. (it's called a type and a pattern.. look it up in Psych 101..

I won't be here for you the second time around..
Fool me once, shame on you...
Fool me twice, shame on me.
I'm tired of being your whipping boy. I'm tired of you blaming me for drama when all I wanted was to vent about my life and my pain to my brother. Like I thought siblings do.

Apparently, I am now an only child. My brother and his wife  want  nothing to do with me. But that's not my choice.. I've tried to mend it. They have no time to make for me. The don't want to..

You can't Rub bengay on a heartache..,

So.. here we are again..
I'm writing cause it's the best therapy I have.

To sell a story terribly short..
My BF I hiked over 600 miles with, cheated on me with 2 different women approximately a year and half after we got back.
I broke.. every part of me.
My hopes, my dreams, my trust, my love..
it's been a rougher road to overcome than the AT.
I started taking antidepressants to help with the severe anxiety our breakup and the breach of trust brought.
I met a guy who wanted to be there for me but was ultimately not sound enough in his own self and emotions to help.
I reconnected with someone I had loved for awhile only to have been labeled "too complicated" for his militaristic indoctrinated life.
I was stressed at a job I wanted to love.
I was depressed, unfulfilled, and anxiety ridden.
In November, I contemplated death.
In December, my job betrayed me. I was their scapegoat, their broken puppet... their whipping boy.
In January, is had enough. I told them to fuck off.
In February, a friend told me I "fucked her over" when I was trying to propell myself forward.
In march, I contemplated suicide.. and promptly took myself off my antidepressants.
In march, I reconnected with someone I loved. He made me feel guilty about our carnal desires and I felt like I had done something wrong.
Tonight. He proved I can't trust him.

However I'm lucky for such good friends. And now a great new job!!

I would walk 500 miles

6/5 Because of our 19 mile day the day before, we decided to take a zero day in Damascus as a reward. Luckily for us because that morning at about 7 it flat poured for about an hour. People hiking in that day were soaked! We resupplied, and stuffed ourselves at Pizza Plus. They have an all you can eat pizza and salad buffet for 7$. There were about 8 of us hikers there for about 2 hours. We even got to catch up with Geo Sandwich!! We snuck in a build your own 6 pack to the Hostel (you're not supposed to bring liquor in) and relaxed. 

Later we went to Damascus Brewery, met the brewer and sampled some fun named beers (like sweet beaver). The girls (Pickles and Skipper) even joined us! 

The next day we headed down main street on the trail. We stopped for cheap breakfast and coffee at a little place called Mojoes. The trail was washed out in a part so we joined the Virginia Creeper Trail (a reformed railway track now used for biking). 

Pretty area on the way to Mt. Rogers.

We still managed to hike 15.5 miles. The shelters are pretty nice in Virginia. Rob can actually stand up in them and not hit his head!
Day 49 we hit 500 miles!! 

We sort of summited Mt. Rogers (Virginia's highest peak. The first shelter we hit was a cool 2 floor shelter. The campgrounds were packed with people and boy scouts (it was a Saturday). I chatted with a couple who were section hiking and gave us food they weren't going to use. They also gave us their water, mostly cause the man wanted to go get more so he could play with his new steri-pen. We pushed on to the next shelter and past a herd of wild ponies. The ponies were really cool. Most of them politely ignore you like the cows. But one baby pony came Right up to us and tried to eat Rob's pocket. 

What's silly is that after we passed them there was a sign on the opposite side of the state park that said not to feed or pet them. Guess that's government for you.
Day 50 (6/8) dawned foggy, gloomy, and gray. We only had 5 miles between the next 2 shelters. Made it to the first one and the rain looked like it would hold off. We got about an hour into our walk to the 2nd shelter and the sky started drizzling. The drizzle turned into a full downpour in about 5 minutes. We got to the shelter soaked (you won that round, rain). Since the next shelter was 10 more miles, we decided to call it a day and try to dry things out. We figured we'd hydrate and push the next day to the Partnership Shelter where we could order pizza right to the trail.

We had a very restless sleep in the shelter that night. Something big sounding woke us up crashing through the branches. And then there was an eerie flapping noise that accompanied it. The big sounding thing we never determined what it was, but the flapping was a nocturnal social group of birds that were nesting in all the eaves of the shelter. They were flying back and forth all night long.

In the morning we set off on our 2nd 20 mile hike. We passed through a cow pasture with no cows but lots of cowpies. We came across some amazing trail magic when we were getting ready to take our second break. A church group had a permanent box stuffed with Hiker needs! Ramen, crackers, sodas, treats, a first aid box and even a box marked 'lady items'. It was all set up under a canopy and there were chairs. Truly incredible!!

We made it to the Partnership shelter a few hours later and took a shower (there was one at the shelter)!!! The shelter is right by Mt. Rogers visitor center (even though we passed Mt Rogers 2 days ago). We used the phone and ordered pizza (there's only 2 places on the trail where you can do this). So after gorging ourselves on greasy, cheesy, happiness,(other people at the shelter ordered pizza too), we retired to the 2nd floor of the shelter.

The road to Virginia

So at the Mountain Harbuor Hostel we met the 60+ Hostel caretaker Vagabond! 

The front of Mountain Harbor Hostel

View from the porch

Amazing lady!! Had thru hiked just last year. She was incredible to talk to! We had a big comfy king bed to sleep in, she did our laundry and told us about the Holy Cow burger we had to get when we went to town. In town, we saw this burger and had to get it for 10$. 

It was 3 5oz beef patties, 6 slices of bacon, 5 slices of cheese, 2 pieces of ham, 2 onion rings, a cup of chili and all the regular fixings. We shared it even though Rob could have eaten it on his own. And we spent the night at the Hostel watching Jurassic Park and Braveheart and organizing our food bags. It is by far one of the nicest, cleanest, well run hostels we've been to on the trail!
The next day, we hiked through soggy, swampy mess that was more like the Louisiana bayou than Tennessee.  

Rob's 400 mile face

We hit our 400 mile mark and thanks to the terrain, banged out 15 miles. We took a break at a bench with a beautiful view. 

We misread the map, missed our campsite but then made our own campsite by a stream. I was also startled by a 3ft long black shiny stick which happened to be a rat snake.
Day 43 (6/1) dawned after a not so even night's sleep. The ground of our campsite was not quite level. We hiked by 'hardcore cascades' seriously that's what it said in the trail guide book.. 

Yeah they didn't seem very "hardcore" to us either

We did 15.5 miles on some not very nice terrain and a rough 1700ft upward hike at the end of our day. We hiked past Laurel Falls with lots of day hikers around. 

A little kid saw our packs and asked his mom why we were carrying so much stuff. She told him we were hiking a long journey. He asked 'don't they have homes?' Rob and I just giggled and said 'not really'. We camped at a nice flat campsite called Pond Flats with a lame water source and were all alone until some kid joined us. It was cool till he spent 3+ hours talking on his cell phone well past 8pm (well known 'Hiker midnight' and bedtime dammit!!). Just rude!
The next day we knew we had a decent hike around Watauga Lake. We had been warned by many people not to camp around the lake or at the first shelter because of the bears. People have been leaving trash and all kinds of crap around so yeah.. Lots of bears.. We took a break by the lake and saw ducks and Canadian geese with their babies. We stayed at Vandevetter shelter (mile 434.5) that night with quite a few people (Spider caught up with us. Yay! Sadly Tramp and Bear got off the trail) and a nice sized fire for bear deterrent. In the middle of the night Rob 'made it rain'. I woke up to a credit card stuck to my chest. Then flipped over awhile later to find a few more. In the morning he asked 'where's my cash?' Apparently it all fell out of his pocket during the night. His cash was under lock and key under my butt as I slept.

Day 45 (holy sh*t it's actually been a month and a half!!) We did a quick 6 miles to the next shelter to try to beat the rain (I get signal so we can check weather reports). We had to stop at this crappy spring to get water and of course that's when it started coming down, but it didn't help the for of the spring. We waited at the shelter for about 2 hours to wait out the worst of the rain. (For all you desert-dwellers hiking soaking wet sucks! This is the humid south, man.. You never dry out!! If you can stay dry, you try to!!) We got some amazing, unexpected trail magic from 3rd to 6th grade girls mission group from a Baptist Church. It was so sweet! Their metal box is obviously a permanent thing, it's bolted to the ground. 

Rob dug to the bottom of the cooler of iced drinks and found me a Dr. Perky (a Dr. Pepper knockoff). We've been hiking on and off with a couple from New York who we've called the 'Smiley Face Bandits' on account of they draw smiley faces in the dirt on the trail. For no other purpose than to make themselves laugh and brighten other hikers' day. They were having a snack with us and the 'Dr. Perky' just turned into a big joke. As we walked on, we came to a giant field, had to climb over a barbed wire fence (yes still on the trail) and walked into a cow pie minefield. Our silly friends had drawn a smiley face into one of the cowpies and had earlier written Dr. Perky in the dirt. Needless to say there were lots of giggles on this part of the hike. The cows were grazing and paid no attention to us whatsoever.. We hit Double Springs Shelter right after that which took us all by surprise. We thought we had longer (and another steep uphill climb to go). It rained throughout the night but at least we were dry!
6/4 the day dawned foggy and gloomy must have been why Rob slept in till 7 and I got to sleep in till 8. We had a symphony of owls keeping the mice at bay last night. Saw them running along the edges of the shelter, but the owls were around and making their presence known. A look at the weather report told us that we were going to have really ugly thunderstorms starting at 1pm and continuing through the night. Bummer, we were hoping to camp closer to Damascus, VA rather than seek the safety of the shelter at 8.5 miles. But after a quick (it took us about 3 hours)  8.5 miles to the shelter, the sun was still out and clouds were big and fluffy. 1pm seemed like such an early time to end the day so we talked and decided we would press on the next 10 miles to Damascus! 

Yay state line!!! 4th state! 

Our Virginia welcoming committee. He was right under the sign. 

We crossed the Tennessee/Virginia state line (freaking finally!!!) and 4 hours later we rolled into town (another town where the actual trail goes right down main street). 

We grabbed a room at a Hostel (which we didn't pay attention had sperate beds but at least we had a private room), took a much needed shower, and dropped our clothes off to get laundered. We had a few beers and Rob ate a ginormous burger (it was a lb of ground beef and easily 3/4lb of bacon and ham on it). 

Tomorrow is a nice zero day with resupply and pizza and beer.

I've added pictures to the last 3 blogs as well. If you've already read them, yay now they have pretty things to look at too!! 

"The Fellowship of the Wine"

So on Memorial Day we were heading in the 6 miles to Erwin. We stayed at Uncle Johnny's-nickel-and-dime-you-bedbug-infested-shank-you-with-a-toenail Hostel. 

Sign out in front of Uncle Johnny's. Good to know Katahdin isn't too far! 

Our outhouse sized room had a private bed but one window didn't have blinds and we found a full beer under the bed with cobwebs. The only good thing was there were multiple shuttles into town so we could eat at a pizza buffet and then later resupply at Walmart (we even hit a liquor store).  We sat around that night drinking beer and whiskey and laughing with Trillium, Brian, Ryan, and Mike. Mike informed us that he bought 2 boxes of wine to carry up the next few days for the remainder of their hike. Ryan almost got shanked by a toenail of a grisly lady (we think.. Not entirely positive) Hiker who stood on the table to turn up her music. I guess she didn't like ours. It was kind of decided that we were all going to hike together.
The next morning we all set off to head to a random campsite about 13.5 miles away. We had thunder clouds circling around us but they were all mouth no trousers. We got some awesome trail magic from a Catholic Priest (BT) and onward we went to the campsite, Mike carrying 55# worth of pack and wine. While we were hiking, we were hiking in a single file line, cracking the jokes about looking like Lord of the Rings. When we got to camp we all assisted Winebag with lightening his load. Hey we all know it's not the best wine but when you're out in the mountains, it's pretty nice!! 

Onward and upward the next day for some rough elevation gain. Rob and I saw a white tailed deer that morning. 

We had to walk through a 'dense spruce forest' and the fog had rolled in. It made for a cool picture! 

We lost Mike somewhere on the trail only to have him turn up at the shelter ahead of us with stories of a 17 mile day and a half mile hitchhike. We got trail magic again from Rob Bird former owner of the Birdcage hostel. Super nice guy! 

Rob Bird's AT trail magic van! 

I built a fire and more people showed up and kind of took it over to make it a raging bonfire. More wine and off to bed!!!

5/29 - Up and over Roan Mountain where crews were putting in brand new switchbacks (which we later found added 2.something miles to our hike for the day) and we all had lunch at the Roan Mountain picnic area which had bathrooms with running water!! It's kind of funny that somewhere some jackass was complaining about his Starbucks drink and us 5 adults were SUPER excited about running water and soap!! After all the people that have walked the trail, it was cool to think that we were some of the first feet on that part of the trail. 

The clouds were starting to come in overhead and instead of going the extra 2 miles to a coverted barn shelter, the 5 of us spent the night at a smaller shelter, Stan Murray shelter. Luckily it didn't start raining until about 10 minutes right before we got to the shelter! We finished off the rest of the wine, shared food and whiskey and made the most of 'The Fellowship's' last night on the trail. (Brian, Ryan and Mike were leaving the next day). Ryan and I giggled our asses off at Brian's attempts to hang the food bags and successfully knock Rob's off the branch and pull the branch down from the weight. 

The next day, we had a guest at breakfast. A (we think) barn owl flew down and perched. It sat long enough for us to look and take pictures.

Then we were off, we hiked 0.3 miles off the trail to the converted barn and were slightly disappointed in ourselves that we didn't push to it. It says it holds 20 but could easily sleep 60 people. The views were incredible! We also finally caught up to the girls (Pickles and Skipper)! It was wonderful to see them and hug them and the puppies!

The view from the barn sleeping area

There was a ladder leading up to the top floor which was the main sleeping area

Sign explaining the barn's purpose from the revolutionary war and it's importance to the trail. (Hard to read I know)

Views of the barn from the mountains

The Appalachian Trail symbol on the top of the Mountain. 

Pictures from the top of Hump Mountain

Finally leaving North Carolina!!! 

Then we hiked up Hump Mountain and little Hump (both were huge humps). We stopped on the top to admire the views and take a trekking pole selfie of the 5 of us. Then we hiked down an ankle and foot killing rocky 3 miles to the Mountain Harbour Hostel (where their car was and we decided we would spend the night). The trio took showers before heading out (probably a good thing cause I'm pretty sure Ryan would have stuffed Brian in the trunk for their drive home). We bid farewell to them but we will see them soon when we get to Northern Virginia! We might actually get to drink wine out of real bottles together!! 

Trail Magic and making friends!!

Woke up on the morning of day 35 (5/24) feeling like someone put a light up sign over my head that read 'bug buffet'. I was covered in red itchy bumps! (Determined later that they were the biggest hives I've ever had as a reaction to the laundry detergent/fabric softener that our sheet had been washed in).
At 2.8 miles of our 15 mile day, we were pleasantly surprised with an entire cooler full of cold sodas!! Yay for early trail magic!

We saw 13 other SOBO hikers on the way down (we forgot it was Memorial Day weekend). Some of them day hikers (or day walkers as we like to joke). All of us thru hikers crack jokes about the day hikers. After dealing with your own unwashed funk for a few days in the mountains, you can pick out the day hikers by the smell alone. They smell amazing!!! Like soap and cologne and fabric softener. Rob and I try to clean up daily either in the creek/stream or with a baby wipe bath. But it's just not the same as a good 'ol shower!! 

So after a frustrating day of lots of uphill hiking (the senseless ups and downs rule really applies!! Some days you go down only to go back up). We were accompanied by the 'popcorn crickets' again today. These are baby crickets that jump in and out of the dry leaves on either side of the trail by the hundreds as you walk by. It seriously sounds like popcorn!!!
We stayed at a random campsite that night alone. Except for the symphony of owls that woke us up around midnight. It's funny, i can't tell you how many times I'd been asked if I was going to bring a gun. Seriously, except for the chance meeting of a bear, or the weather going completely haywire, I've never felt so completely safe in my life. Just about everyone you meet is incredibly nice!
The next morning as we were packing up a random large dog walked down the trail (the trail was above where we were camping). We waited but didn't see anyone hiking behind it. We then figured out it was a coyote! Bye Wile E. Have a good hike!
(5/25)We hiked on and came across amazing trail magic! An entire cooler filled to the brim with sodas, sandwiches, brownies, cookies, milk and even dog biscuits!!

Made our whole day and it was only 9am!! We got to the shelter (called No Business Knob Shelter, apparently because it had no business being there. No water source, no privy, no cables to hang our food bags. And the inside looked like a high school bathroom with all the graffiti). However, we did meet 4 super cool section hikers; Lou, Ryan, Brian, and Mike. Mike had an iPod and a speaker so we had music!! What a luxury!! We were all headed to Erwin, Tennessee the next day to stay at Uncle Johnny's Hostel. We also found that Mike's trail name was 'Winebag' because he carried a 3 liter bag of wine for then to drink the first couple of days. We also tried to give Brain the name Candypants because of his love for candy! All around a nice evening.

Sadly I don't remember where I took these exactly. I know it was between the trail magic and No Business Knob Shelter. But pretty view of a cascade. 

Days 32(5/21) thru 34 (5/23)

After a few lovely days in Asheville, we still had to figure out how to get back to the trail. We caught a ride with a guy from the hostel who charged us 20$. He said we'd leave at 1pm but then text to say his errands were running late and he'd be there at 2. At 2:20 he pulled up in his Lexus SUV and after setting the navigation we were off. Except that his navigation was set to French. He doesn't speak French but is trying to teach himself via his navigation unit. Needless to say we took a wrong turn and our 45 minute journey took an hour and 20 minutes. So then we were off on the trail (finally) at about 3:30. After a slight misread of the map (hey it happens!!) we rolled into camp at 7:30. A little later than we would like and had to hang the bear bag in the dark but whatever. Also since we did things in the dark with our headlamps on, some suicidal little beetle with glowing red eyes flew into me at full speed.. Twice!! Only to knock himself to the ground. As I wrote this in my journal, I could hear him buzzing on the other side of the tent stalking me..
We had a little shower overnight but were able to pack up a dry tent! As we hiked (4 or 5 miles) we saw a small sign that said "Mom's - hikers welcome". We decided that if we could see it from the road, we'd go get a cold drink (it was damn humid and pretty warm). Well we could see a sign so we went to go investigate! What we got to was an old dilapidated fossil of a store, but it was open! Kind of like a roadside snack bar! Reasonably priced drinks and snacks!
We headed to the next shelter for a break where we got to see Spider and Tramp again with Tramp's dog Little Bear now in tow! It was wonderful to see them and catch up! Then a 1.3 mile climb straight up (1100 feet) to our campsite next to a lovely babbling brook (mile 295). We had a few other hikers there. We had no sooner gotten everything packed up when it started to rain! It rained on and off all night.
The next morning we got up and had gotten stuff packed up when the sky opened up with a big cup of 'eff you'and provided us with a 20 minute monsoon. Luckily, the tent was still set up and we were able to cover our backpacks up in time and dive in before we got completely soaked! As we were waiting it out we heard 'get outta the tent you wussies'. 2 hikers were razzing us. They asked if we were staying dry and when we told them 'mostly', they told us that was good cause our tent looked like it was sitting in a small pond.
When the rain finally let up we stuffed a very soggy, filthy tent into the tent bag (not fun) and headed down our soggy trail. We came to a part on the trail marked in our guidebook as 'rocky and strenuous'.. Yeah cause we haven't done anything like that yet.. Sheesh.. What it should have said was 'exposed ridgeline'. Yes it was rocky and a bit trying but the sun decided to peak it's head out and the views were gorgeous! 

We had a snack at the first shelter we came to and since Mr. Sun was out I got to dry a few things out! I also found a new pair of camp shoes someone had left behind! Yay for Hiker discards!
We summited Big Butt Mountain (no kidding! That's the name, and sadly no sign to take a picture of). We also passed a gravestone/ashes site of someone who had hiked the trail in 1965.
So we made it to our destination of the second shelter, Flint Mountain Shelter at mile 306.2. Meaning we've passed the 300 miles milestone! (Sadly we missed where someone had written it in rocks on the side of the trail. Oh and Gerard Butler.) 

So even though the day started out less than desirable, it turned out ok. There is never really an easy day on the tail, but some days are easier than others.