My brother is an asshole...

I'm going to use this as my sounding board for my time of anger of family betrayal and anger.

Because I want a sounding board.

There is a certain poetry to baring a soul to many people. It's called publishing.. I want to bare a section of my soul. I don't need the sympathy. My best therapy is writing. Maybe it's not as eloquent as I'd like, but my heart is in it.

When I was growing up, I was really mean to my younger brother. I was an asshole. He was always giving. He always asked for a second 'thing' for his sister when I never did. He and I played dress up. I did his make up. We used to meet in the center of our bedrooms and talk about nonsense: He was thoughtful, sweet and kind.

When we got older, things were said.. not completely horrible, but hurtful. I tried to mend, but clearly I am unforgivable.

He got married, had 2 kids (whom I've almost never been to their birthday parties.), and then promptly divorced her after falling for another woman.

He came to me after over 6 years of silence. We talked like we were actually family again. He confided his life and love in me, before either of my parents. I talked to him the whole time he was in the academy. I reached out to his lady so that she had a lifeline. Someone to talk to who knew him, cause it's comforting and easier. When they got engaged, I was ecstatic and tried to keep a secret, even though he told her before hand.

But I don't remember what went wrong.. I wanted to go to Hawaii. I wanted to support them. But they decided to have a "meet the family" dinner without me. I would understand if it was just the parents.. But YOU BOTH are parents. How is it ok to have the 'wife's brother present' (yes he lives there. I get it!!! But he was still going to be outside with the family. Eating the food. Socializing.. etc. you KNEW he wasn't going out, or anywhere else. You knew he'd be home!)
BUT, not your sister. Why couldn't you ask Kari's mom if I could be there?
Is she that mean! Is she that scary?
Do I embarrass you?
Are you afraid of me?
I don't get why I wasn't a good enough sister that you couldn't ask your soon to be mother in law 1 simple question.
I don't get how my brother (who used to ask everyone for "something extra for his sister) couldn't ask for this one thing. And I don't understand how his wife ( a mother of 2 kids) could stand for this either.

And that split it for me. My brother and his wife couldn't hop a puddle for me. But he didn't hesitate to ask me to jump an ocean for him and go fly to his wedding in Hawaii..

So I didn't go... I didn't feel like I was important enough to either of them. Neither one would even ask me over for dinner, even though I lived down the street.....

And he was pissed.

But so was I. And I was hurt to the core.

But from then on, I was the enemy. And it's gotten worse over the last year. I asked for help during a tumultuous moment of my life. And he told me I was "bringing drama" when all I wanted was my brother to comfort me.

I've gone through hell in the last 4 months. I was in emotional pain, I was depressed and I was a mess. Among other things, I contemplated suicide twice. I needed my brother.. not my parents, not my closest friends... my brother.

But I knew I couldn't call him. He would consider it too much drama and not worth his time. And it hurt even more. I haven't asked him for anything since we've been adults. Except for his time and to see the kids.

But I'm not allowed in his and Kari's life. They want to forget I am related to them.

I'm not angry anymore.. I'm just sad.
And I hope.
I hope neither one EVER has to go through the pain my parents feel when they know their kids can't get along. I hope you never have to feel the pain my dad feels when he knows his son won't forgive his family and just be civil. And I hope you never have to feel the loss and pain of what it is when one of your children won't talk to you.

I personally pity you that you both are so fucking judgemental that you can't attempt to forgive and try to build a relationship with your actual family.

Josh... when your marriage fails, and it will because you will eventually get tired of her ordering you around.. (it's called a type and a pattern.. look it up in Psych 101..

I won't be here for you the second time around..
Fool me once, shame on you...
Fool me twice, shame on me.
I'm tired of being your whipping boy. I'm tired of you blaming me for drama when all I wanted was to vent about my life and my pain to my brother. Like I thought siblings do.

Apparently, I am now an only child. My brother and his wife  want  nothing to do with me. But that's not my choice.. I've tried to mend it. They have no time to make for me. The don't want to..